Why Your Kids Don't Need to Smile at the Camera…

(And Why Those Aren't Usually the Photos You'll Treasure Most)

Before every family session, there's one thing I can almost guarantee I'll hear. "I just hope they'll smile." I understand why. We grow up believing that's what makes a "good" photograph. Everyone is looking at the camera. Everyone is smiling. No one is blinking. Success. And don't worry, we'll absolutely make time for that photograph. I call it the "grandma shot." It's the one that ends up on holiday cards, gets tucked into frames on the mantel, and makes grandparents smile every time they walk past it. I love that photograph.

But if I'm being honest... It's usually not the one I fall in love with. The photographs I find myself returning to again and again are almost always the ones that happen thirty seconds before or after everyone looked at the camera. The ones where your child forgets I'm there. Some of my favorite photographs of my own daughter have nothing to do with the camera. They're the ones where she's completely absorbed in her own little world. She's crouched down examining a tiny flower growing through the sidewalk. She's collecting rocks because each one is somehow more interesting than the last. She's standing quietly, watching a butterfly as though she's trying to solve one of life's great mysteries. Sometimes she's laughing so hard she can barely catch her breath. Other times she's wearing the wonderfully serious expression that children get when they're thinking very important thoughts. Maybe she's wondering what's for lunch. Maybe she's deciding when she can convince us to stop for ice cream. Maybe she's trying to figure out why ladybugs have spots.

I'll never know. That's part of what makes childhood so beautiful. Children spend so much of their lives exploring, imagining, wondering, and becoming. They aren't performing for the world. They're simply being themselves. Those are the moments that tell us who they are.

Every Child Tells a Different Story

One of the things I love most about photographing children is how quickly their personalities begin to emerge. Some children are natural observers. They take everything in before deciding to join. They remind me of little old souls, quietly studying the world around them. Others burst into every new experience with complete confidence, ready to make friends with every stick, puddle, and passing dog they encounter. Some are wonderfully goofy. They're constantly making their siblings laugh, inventing games, and pulling silly faces when no one is asking them to. Others are gentle and affectionate, happiest when they're holding someone's hand or curled safely into a parent's lap.

None of those personalities are better than another. They're simply different. And those differences are exactly what I hope to preserve. If every photograph asks a child to stop exploring, stop wondering, stop moving, and smile on command, we sometimes miss the very thing that makes them who they are.

The Best Family Photos Feel Like Memories

When I think back to my own childhood, I don't remember standing perfectly still while someone counted to three. I remember climbing trees. Running barefoot through the backyard. Lying on the living room floor coloring while my parents talked nearby. Falling asleep in the car on the drive home after a long day. Those are the memories that shaped childhood. It's no surprise that the photographs connected to those moments are the ones that continue to mean the most.

That's why I approach family photography a little differently. Of course I'll gently guide you when it's time for everyone to look at the camera. Every family deserves to have that photograph. Then we'll move on. We'll walk. We'll play. We'll explore. We'll let your children be curious. Because that's usually when the magic happens.

A little hand reaches for yours without thinking. Your daughter bursts into laughter because her brother whispered something ridiculous. Your toddler proudly hands you the "treasure" they found on the ground. Your baby snuggles into your shoulder after deciding the adventure has been exciting enough.

Those aren't interruptions to the session. They are the session.

The Photos You'll Treasure Most

Years from now, I don't think you'll spend much time noticing whether every smile was perfectly aimed at the camera. I think you'll notice your son's mischievous grin just before he ran off to explore. You'll remember the thoughtful expression your daughter always wore when she discovered something new. You'll smile at the way your toddler insisted on carrying the world's tiniest stick as though it were priceless. You'll remember the season of life when curiosity outweighed self-consciousness. The smiling portrait will always have its place. I'm glad we make it.

But if I had to guess which photographs your children will one day show their own families, I don't think it'll be the one where everyone stood perfectly still. I think it'll be the one that quietly says, "This is who I was." And perhaps, even more importantly, "This is how my family loved me while I was becoming that person."

Whether we're wandering a trail at Ivy Creek, exploring one of Charlottesville's beautiful parks, or simply spending a slow afternoon together at home, I always leave room for children to be exactly who they are.